No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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