His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
