His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
