someone owes me an orgasm
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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