Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
