Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
