Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
