I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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