Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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