im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i now understand why vodka
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
