My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
