Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
