who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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