oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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