Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
