there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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