Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
