So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
