i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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