I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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