apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
