sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
