that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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