You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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