my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
