We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
