Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
