I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
