Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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