I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
