can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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