The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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