Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
