did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
