I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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