I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
