So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
