no, he came in my armpit
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
