Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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