it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Houston, we have a blender
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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