I CAN MOONWALK!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize