I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
