Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
