so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
