he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
