I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize