Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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