if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
