I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
