eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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