i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
