The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize