Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
