i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.