life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.