I need to stop coming to work sober
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.