Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I thought that was really considerate

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  (586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating' (586): I thought that was really considerate http://tfl.nu/g1h7
  Replies (3) Good night (2291) Bad night (576)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.

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  (207): using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code. http://tfl.nu/hjm4
  Replies (26) Good night (4181) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.

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  (306): I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher. http://tfl.nu/r85b
  Replies (8) Good night (2994) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain

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  (925): You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain http://tfl.nu/anwf
  Replies (16) Good night (2597) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (021): View more from

  Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

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  (021): Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant. http://tfl.nu/uluq
  Replies (49) Good night (452) Bad night (6585) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process

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  (214): I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process http://tfl.nu/ph4s
  Replies (10) Good night (490) Bad night (4576) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.

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  (248): I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/icyg
  Replies (11) Good night (1187) Bad night (2469) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"

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  (315): a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop" http://tfl.nu/57y7
  Replies (20) Good night (4756) Bad night (1168)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.

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  (514): Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat. http://tfl.nu/flst
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (2164) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet

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  (920): If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet http://tfl.nu/w7lt
  Replies (3) Good night (1859) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..

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  (813): Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it.. http://tfl.nu/d0rc
  Replies (5) Good night (1497) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please

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  (+27): i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please http://tfl.nu/h9fq
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (1157)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.

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  (605): I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming. http://tfl.nu/djrq
  Replies (15) Good night (1200) Bad night (3176) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up

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  (850): I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up http://tfl.nu/4e9b
  Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb

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  (403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb http://tfl.nu/fhfr
  Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt

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