Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out