Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
