yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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