We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.