So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
