You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
