I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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