Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
