3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
