I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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